catch 22

ever feel damned if you do and damned if you don't? that is the position I often find myself in with love.  If trust my head i do nothing and have nothing. If i trust my head I have passion, love, lust, excitement. And in the end im left with heartache and pain.  I am desperately in love with a man. We are miles apart both geographically and emotionally.  He is the one i want  to be with in love and in life. The pain i experience with him and without him are the same. Our relationship is my lifes catch 22. Yet i still long for him everyday. I have missed him since the second i walked out of his house with our child.  I remember the cheating, the secrets, the manipulation.  But i also remember the passion, the fire, and the loving. I have been told to and probably should just put my energy into finding someone else to love. I dont know if its my stubborn nature or my unwillingness to start something new with someone or my inability to trust anyone but i cant seem to move to that step.  I think too much. One thing i know is that its been 2 years since we have been separated and time has not healed my broken heart.

spring is the time.....

I love to go junking and antiquing. I am a garage/yard/rummage sale addict.  I honestly spend all day saturday looking through other people's junk.  I literally brake for interesting trash.  I love to hunt for beat down old furniture pieces and make them into something different.  I was finishing a piece just a few days ago and was thinking how different it looked with just a few coats of paint.  An old, rickety piece of thrown out furniture got a new start because of paint.  That's what spring is the time for.....for old things to become new.  The trees have new leaves.  The grass is lush and green.  The sun is shining.  The flowers are blooming.  If we can learn anything from winter, its that the old doesn't last long and the sun will shine again.  Apply this to everyday life....no matter what situation you're going through, tough times don't stay around forever.  Spring comes around every year.