Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Dealing with the hurt
I have many things i deal with everyday. Work, child, crazy Oklahoma drivers, what to eat for dinner, etc. What i find myself constantly dealing with is my mind. I am always thinking. I can't seem to turn my mind off. Not even at night. I am always thinking about my past. More to the point, my near recent past, if that statement makes sense to anyone. I find myself feeling increasingly alone and lonely. Although i have plenty of things to fill my time, i seem to be missing that one thing that i think will make me happy...a mate, a boyfriend, significant other, someone. And the thing is, I have been in this position and still unhappy with the situation. My son is the light of my life, the one pure and true someone that can always make me smile, still somehow i still feel lonely. Mostly lonely for his dad. Reed's dad put me through complete hell emotionally and yet i am utterly in love with this man. I can't shake it and all the memories we made together continue to haunt me and keep me awake at night. I miss him and the life we had together, but mainly i miss being connected to another adult human. Maybe there is someone else out there for me that will take me seriously and love me the way i love them, but for now I need to and want to deal with the hurt that will eventually help me heal.